HIT AND RUN BUT STILL NOT DEAD 💪

Well Monday didn’t go as I had hoped.

Does Monday ever go as anyone hopes?

I dropped my husband off at work and soon after set out to Oak Creek for a long awaited appointment with my neurologist.

I was dreading it as I haven’t seen her since she ordered all the tests and I don’t particularly want to talk about any of them because there’s unfortunately nothing to talk about.

I’m bored with finding out what’s wrong with me and equally bored with the lack of action steps for after that new knowledge is acquired.

However, I didn’t get more than three blocks before my car was hit by a reckless freak.

I was sitting at a stop light with no one behind me and the light was red.

Then the light changed and… well, I pride myself on my ability to GO as soon as the light turns green.

I don’t sit there and linger. I am very serious about not daydreaming while driving and following all the road rules and all of it. So I go as soon as a light turns green.

The genetic counselor told me my lightning-fast reflexes are due to my having epilepsy.

That kind of took the wind out of my sails but I still like to think my crazy fast reflexes are some kind of super power.

And not a side effect of being electrocuted.

In any case, the light turned green and, while doing a “just making sure” look left and right for red-light-running crazies which are prevalent in Milwaukee, I edged forward and was soon halfway through the intersection when

HOLY CATS OF THUNDER

there was suddenly a blue sedan on my right, passing me in the intersection and they were going so fast I barely saw them.

They were just a blue blur which was quickly out of room because parked cars were straight ahead, lining the right side of the street, just beyond the intersection.

Therefore, the blue car swerved left, hitting me, cutting me off and taking the front of my car with it.

Well, it just dislodged half the front of my car so it technically left the front of my car behind.

And all that happened in maybe 3 seconds.

A traumatic, loud, violent blue-blur crunch crash which left my car unable to drive.

Because half of its front was now hanging off.

So the blue car continued to go crazy fast and they were almost instantaneously a dot in the distance.

It was at that time I honked at them.

Maybe they heard me.

They never braked.

I wished I had honked earlier like… when they were trying to run me off the road.

I also wished I could manifest and channel my excess abnormal brain electricity and ZAP THEM!, making them stop and then electrically pulling them back to the scene so that they’d be accountable for their actions.

It would be then that they’d shoot me. This year Milwaukee is having a real issue with shootings.

So perhaps it’s best they just kept rolling.

In any case, it could have been worse but, either way, there I was in a rather bad position, unable to drive my car without hearing a terrible grinding noise as I was unfortunately attempting to run over the front of the car as I actively tried to pull over to an empty spot on the side of the road.

And I honestly still barely knew what happened because it happened so fast and without any kind of warning.

I was completely taken by surprise and I’m always expecting the worst.

Driving in Milwaukee is a bit like driving around in Grand Theft Auto.

Or, more accurately, like driving in CyberPunk 2077.

So I managed to get my car pulled over and, out of nowhere, a man showed up and asked if I was okay.

A man or an angel?!

I’m not sure. But he said he heard the crash and then saw the damage and then went back into his shop to bring out a wrench set and then… he helped me get the front of my car off so it was again functional.

He moved fast and for a half a minute I’m pretty sure I just kept asking him “DID YOU SEE THAT???”

And then I tried to cancel my neurology appointment but was placed on hold so I put my phone on speaker and then set it on the top of my car.

Meanwhile, the Good Samaritan helped me smash the front of my car into the back of my car.

The front of my car didn’t quite fit inside my car so that was interesting to me.

In any case, this person really helped me. He needed tools to detach the front completely and I didn’t have tools with me.

I’d like to be the kind of person who has a box of tools with me but I’m not quite there.

Therefore, I actually hugged this person. We just kind of stared at each other for a second and I said “God bless you” with my big traumatized eyes and then we both went in for a hug.

He wasn’t wearing a mask and neither was I so it was the first time in months I’ve been around a stranger without a mask and now probably have coronavirus but it’s almost worth it because that stranger was so awesome.

He didn’t have to help. But he did.

And so I’m lucky to be relatively okay.

After all, the number of shootings in Milwaukee is double what it was last year. And the number of vehicular mortalities has also risen dramatically so I do feel lucky to be alive.

And the car does look a little more aggressive and angry.

And, if a cop pulls me over because I don’t have a license plate on the front of the car, or a front to my car, I’ll invite them then pull the front of the car out of the back of my car.

It’s a little dangerous driving with the front of the car inside the car.

But not any more dangerous than driving in Milwaukee.

And, once I was back on the road, well, the next thing I realized was that my phone’s directional ability had apparently stopped functioning.

It seems I was not the only one traumatized.

Because, as soon as I pulled back onto the road, after entering the mechanic’s address, my phone started to freak out, yelling:

“Make a U-Turn! Make a U-Turn! Proceed to the route! PROCEED TO THE ROOOOOUTE!”

So I turned Phone off, though I could have used the help right then, and found my way to our mechanic’s shop where they told me they didn’t do *that* kind of work and referred me to an auto body shop

(I tried to again get directions from my phone but he’d now gone silent)

which I found on my own and that auto body shop guy kept saying I should just pay him under the table and not file with insurance…

“I don’t have any money to pay you out of pocket,” I said after a time.

I must have said that very deadpan because he looked up with surprise and said “Oh!”and then scratched out whatever he was writing in his little notebook.

Then I went home which was only two blocks from the accident site and called the police.

Since I had left the scene, the 911 operator told me to call the non-emergency number.

So I called that number, was put on hold for 20 minutes, and finally reached someone who took my information.

But she didn’t give me a case number or anything.

Or so I realized as she disconnected the call.

So I waited an hour. Maybe I didn’t need a case number. Maybe a cop would show up and help. In the meantime, I did some laundry.

But soon I called the non-emergency number again to see if I could get a case number because I hadn’t heard from anyone and was placed on hold for another 20 minutes, and then reached someone who told me that there wasn’t any case number yet because my request for service was still pending.

“So… I shouldn’t leave.“

“No. An officer should either call you or show up so don’t leave.”

“If an officer shows up, please let them know that we don’t have a doorbell so they’ll have to knock.”

“Okay.”

Since police officers have already intensely pounded on our apartment door before (armed robbery right outside), I should already know that Milwaukee police officers don’t seem to casually ring the doorbell.

In any case, while I waited, I cleaned the house and felt that I’d never before thought about all the traumatized people in action movies who are just pulled out and thrown from their cars by the protagonist or the villain…

they’re only on screen for 4 seconds and I’ve never before thought about their mental health.

“Being pulled out of your car by a stranger would be so terrible,” I said to the Christmas tree as I cleaned.

And then, about 45 minutes later, a police officer called me.

He said that he just found out that car crashes were no longer being reported over the phone.

Thus, I would have to file an online report.

He then gave me the web address which had “crashreporting”one-word at its end.

And then if that didn’t work, I was to go to the District 2 police station.

Similar to the desk sergeants, this person was also very nice if somewhat unhelpful.

Yet, I very much appreciated the kind tone of each officer’s voice.

However, the online report system was NOT USER FRIENDLY… I could just imagine an older person who had just been in a violent accident trying to navigate the form and all its “Unit 1” and “Unit 2” components.

TV shows and books I read often have police complaining about the whole “writing up the report” process and I now see why.

In any case, I finally, successfully, filed the police report.

And my husband and I are going to try to put the front back on the car with the help of friends.

It’s a bit of a shame the week has started out like this. We’d had such a lovely weekend.

We spent Saturday evening with my husband’s lovely brother who treated us.

And on Sunday a dear friend dropped off homemade holiday cookies which I feel could win any contest.

And another beloved sent me the cover album I’ve been listening to ever since as medication. 🖤

Grateful to not be dead. And tomorrow is new day. 🖤🥊

Though I can’t help but think one of these times I will be dead and I’m hoping there is sailboat in the afterlife which has “I AM DEAD!!!!!” on its sail and it’s waiting for me.

I’d be tickled pink.

https://music.apple.com/us/album/the-bends/1536040616