When my amazing, award-winning journalist/writer friend Tea
(check out his latest book which I highly recommend: https://thebookselfblog.wordpress.com/category/tea-krulos/)
asked me to be a panelist in the Milwaukee Paranormal Conference in September:
I said “Yes.”
As part of this event, I’m also being given a vendor table so… this is all very amazing.
Because, at this fine table, I’ll be selling my freshly revised ghostly storybook.
The photos are now bigger, the illustrations are better-developed and there is added content which is helpful as it inspired me to cut a bunch out and do some much-needed restructuring throughout the entire little book.
I recently re-read my storybook and…
So now it’s better.
AND I’m also hopefully going to be selling my storybook on tape.
Well, not tape but… you know. If I can miraculously get this done thanks to the help of non-biological family, I will also soon have that for sale on Amazon.
Purpose! Something to work toward!
So, yeah, this whole thing had great timing.
After my very first day at this straight job I have now and when I first felt my soul dying within me, my friend asked if I would be a panelist at this conference.
It was like the light at the end of some kind of not-ultimate-but-along-the-way tunnel.
Now I just can’t blow it.
(sigh) Fine, Why Do You Think You Will Blow It?
Well, I attended church like I usually do on Monday night (fewer people – mostly singles and outsiders – and therefore less COVID and more my people) and I was properly shaking while in church.
It was weird. I don’t know if it was anxiety or my being on the brink of a mental breakdown or… there were more people at this particular service than usual and GROSS, PEOPLE! … or my being just too sinful and feeling a bit crushed under the gaze of God
or my ALS is finally kicking in (always at the back of my mind)…
in any case, I don’t know why the shakes are back.
They don’t happen while I’m at work.
And hopefully these odd shakes don’t happen when I’m on the paranormal panel.
My husband and I recently attended an urban let’s-all-pat-ourselves-on-the-back-about-art-and-our-money event as our company bought a sponsorship table at this event (which was composed entirely of white people)
and… naturally, there was a photographer there to document the ridiculous thing and… as he took my photo I started to shake again.
This is clearly anxiety. After my parents died ++++++ I developed a case of the shakes. Yet, I believed I had permanently handled these shakes sometime last year which took a lot of effort.
And now I’m more comfortable at my job and I’ve proven myself and navigated some serious stress and drama with relative ease sooooooooooooo…
why have the shakes suddenly returned?
But…if I start shaking like a sideshow at a paranormal conference, I can at least say I’m possessed.
Regardless, it will be okay.
In times of great stress and anxiety and when you need to fake it and pull it together for some kind of event, it’s important to take a deep breath and tell yourself:
Hope everyone keeps holding on. There is a light at the end. 🖤