CONSUME CONSUME CONSUME

Have any of my ten readers ever been all “Oh wow. I just WISH I COULD BUY SOMETHING!”?

No?

Well, don’t worry. There are now things to buy. So I saved you some thinking!

Since I went on a spastic manic blog writing spree a couple days ago (TWO POSTS IN LIKE SIXTEEN HOURS?!), this one is largely all photos, video and quiet consumerism.

Don’t worry, I’m a radical left socialist antifa… wait… I can even post a meme rather than twenty eye roll emojis…

In any case, back to capitalism and consumerism and Dante’s Inferno, I am nervously entering the free market the only way I know how: awkwardly and DIYAF.

Thanks to the help of my husband, David or, his street name, @muellerlowlife, or, with our forces combined, our street name being SIGNS OF THE TIMES

David reminds me that there is a sign shop somewhere which truly has that name — Signs of the Times — because — little known fact — sign shops often have super clever names.

There is another sign shop with the name: “What’s Your Sign?”

I’m not even joking. That’s so creepy/awesome.

“Hello. What’s Your Sign?”

(click)

In any case, David says I could be sued because this other sign shop already has the name Signs of the Times but I reminded him that ten readers read this and we aren’t a sign shop and it’s not like I’m getting a LLC for the name

and then David was all “Yet…”

and… yeah, that’s true… I’m very goal-oriented but… whatever, he is waiting for Miller High Life to sue him and he’s waaaaaaaaay more “out there” so I highly doubt some sign shop in…

Mozilla…

Portland? (https://www.signsofthetimes.com/)

is going to care about me.

In any case…

Moving on, I’m selling my Microsoft Paint prints for $15 each or two for $20.

I’m desperately trying to sell out.

Just like Brad.

Brad is for sale. So are all these:

And there are more. And there are more that I didn’t print for sale tomorrow like…

I’ll create some kind of virtual shop with better photos. Some of these are just in their little plastic cases for the sidewalk sale tomorrow which will be outside because apparently we are really losing the fight against coronavirus here in the Allegedly United States and, naturally, Wisconsin is on the “oh shit is bad” list of states where cases of coronavirus are spiking and Milwaukee is… well, it’s very red and dotted.

And many of the new cases are younger people.

Awesome. It’s a great time to donate plasma as… well, we are running out of it and, again, cases are dramatically increasing in the States.

So…. the sidewalk sale will be sparsely attended (inherently) and we will be wearing masks outside with gloves and hopefully this will be enough to stave off further transmission.

I’m not a huge fan of art fairs (people and pottery… yeesh) or most sidewalk sales but this one features

FROZEN SOUP

(which is amazing… when heated… though probably equally amazing frozen)

PLANTS

(the Soup House which is hosting this little sidewalk sale has been hit by the global pandemic and are closing their seating area so… they’ll be selling the plants which filled that seating area)

and art.

So… plants, soup, art and a storybook.

That’s my kind of sidewalk sale.

It’s like all my favorite things. If they added “animals and birds,” it would be the best sidewalk sale of all time.

Speaking of animals, my husband does pet portrait commissions. What a great gift!

What are you getting your loved one for the American holiday of Independence Day?

If you’re British, you could celebrate it as being “Yay! We got rid of Americans!”

In any case, consider consuming. David has a real website and shop:

Muellerlowlife.com

unlike I, who has this free WordPress blog thing. Which is banned from Instagram and Facebook still.

Hey, this illustration is for sale!

What else for sale, what else for sale…

Oh! I also printed out my ghostly storybook, The Bank Doesn’t Care if Your House Is Haunted, which is $10 plus whatever it costs to ship it to wherever you are since it’s a pandemic and the USPS is apparently closing or something since Orange is trying to shut down everything that keeps this being a semi-functional country.

So $10 plus hopefully not very much drama which equates to about $5 if you live in the States.

Since the book production all very DIYAF, this is a bit of a slow process so I’ll naturally make the book digital and convert it to MOBI by the end of next week.

But if you want an adorable little DIYAF storybook, just shoot me an email.

Since I haven’t upgraded to the not-free WordPress account, I can’t upload videos and… uh, again, banned from Instagram and Facebook still… I have Twitter! You can see the book via Twitter:

IT’S SO CUTE!!! 😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻😻

It’s also… sad, funny and short. Excellent bathroom reading.

Do I feel gross after dedicating an entire blog to asking people to buy stuff from Signs of the Times, the super married couple duo?

If it means someone buys something, not even a little.

I really really really really want to move out of our neighborhood. Presently someone outside is screaming “MOTHERFUCKER!” over and over and over.

A friend said “Oh you live by the good restaurants!” aka Walkers Point and I was all… they are “close” but we live in Walker Square where the property value is “cash/barter”.

Oof and the houses around here are big. Big free houses because no one wants to pay to live in a self-regulating neighborhood.

Except for us, apparently.

Also, the good restaurants are only about three blocks away… welcome to Milwaukee. Go a block and you’re in a completely different culture with completely different people.

And that’s why we’re heading to find better air quality in the glamorous town of Kenosha next week for our thirteenth wedding anniversary.

Lucky number thirteen.

And if people are overflowing the beach of Lake Michigan which is supposed to be right outside our VRBO rental?

Then we will sit on the balcony this rental supposedly has and stay far away from them and eat cereal.

I’m a bit skeptical of weekend getaways to unknown places ever since we tried to find a quiet cabin in a secluded area one winter for a break.

And we thought we did and then we arrived and this was our view out the back, after we passed the trailer homes with Confederate flags waving in the swampy wind:

So here’s to hoping this Kenosha getaway is a little better and thank you for thinking about buying art and stories from us no-good artists which we will use to pay medical expenses and buy anniversary booze.

7 thoughts on “CONSUME CONSUME CONSUME

  1. As someone trying to reduce the sheer amount of stuff I already own, I’ll wait for the ebook version, because ebooks don’t take up any physical space in my house and therefore don’t count as “stuff”. Good luck at your sidewalk sale.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hello Kathy! My BrainWarsShop is now live! You can head right over there if you’d still like to order an e-book copy of “The Bank Doesn’t Care if Your House Is Haunted: A Ghostly Storybook”!

      etsy.com/shop/brainwarsshop

      Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Like

  2. Ditto KathyG: eBook for me, too. Also Community Bird Meeting and Hello Hello Hello, my faves since I saw them the first time.

    Break a leg tomorrow! Or, something. Metaphorically speaking. And bleeding is right out. (I only mention that because my husband somehow managed to bleed once during every show, usually at set up or tear down, and I know you’re not doing a lot of setting up or tearing down, but it would be good if you also didn’t do any bleeding, either.) (But just in case, bleeding can be quickly stopped by application of a good deal of black pepper. Such as may be readily to hand at conveniently located soup restaurants.)

    (Just sayin.’)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Amazing! Two ebooks sold! Yay! And Community Bird Meeting is my absolute favorite. Excellent. I have your email so I’ll be in touch next week!!

      Ooof! And I’ll send you the pictures of my bloody hands! 😂 I amazingly left the house to hang out, at a distance, with a couple friends outside and came home and my hands were… bloody. It turns out that the hand sanitizer is just terrible on my skin and I had a bunch of paper cuts on my fingers but… that was freaky for a minute.

      No bleeding! And… I’ve never done the black pepper trick! Isn’t that what you toss over your shoulder too for luck. I need to get some. We keep our salt and black pepper in these little owl shakers so… I’ll make sure to bring an owl with me. Hee hee.

      Thank you!! xxxxxxxxxx

      Liked by 1 person

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