June the Untouchable Shadow

We are on the brink of nuclear war

And the other day my mentally ill formerly favorite uncle choked on a piece of meat in his mental institution and SHOCKER no one noticed for 20 minutes and so now he is in another hospital on ICU.

And it’s also DEATH TIME for me as a couple favorite people death anniversaries and a dead favorite person’s birthday all fall in the same 7 days so… I’ve celebrated/mourned it this year by getting sick.

Chest cold… plus more. Gross. Not getting into it as I had two job interviews today and so I took yesterday off to recover so I had a voice for today and…

I got a third interview for one of the jobs and it’s the one I want. I already love the people who work there and they’re doing what I love most: fiercely advocating for the quality of care for people who need some back-up.

Crazy difficult work but… I feel it’s my calling and I’ve never had a proper team when doing this kind of work before. And they have wonderfully dark senses of humor.

I hope I hope I hope I hope.

But forget all THAT… June Carter Cash has taking some awkward and positive steps forward this week.

She has become my shadow. But, as with all shadows, she can’t be genuinely touched while actively in this role.

She surprised me today by

1) noticing I was home and giving a shit about it by lifting her head to look at me through her view window

2) AND THEN COMING DOWNSTAIRS TO GREET ME LIKE A NORMAL DOG

But, before we think “Oh my word June is a real dog!” she shows off her weirdo prowess by… coming down to greet us but then… changing her mind about this when she sees us.

Like… “Oh. It’s you. Gross.”

Because she will then turn around and go back upstairs.

You just have to not take it personally.

As time has gone on, she doesn’t go upstairs but kind of backs up slowly as I crawl toward her and then smother her in kisses and hugs.

It’s far too late to keep playing this “Everything is calm and slow” card. Nothing is calm and slow in this world, June.

So she has learned to brace herself.

And now she is my shadow. She follows me everywhere. She is on my heels at all times.

But if I turn around to pat her head…?

No dice. I’m somehow breaking the rules.

I won’t turn quickly and SMOTHER HER WITH KISSES yet since this shadow thing is new but… that will come.

I mean, you can’t choose to be someone’s shadow and then not be COMPLETELY HONORED they want to show you attention.

It’s clearly what she wants. But we will continue to play it cool/extremely damaged.

However, she is ALSO trying out “being independent”.

This means she goes upstairs and downstairs over and over and over, uncertain about where she INDEPENDENTLY wants to choose to be.

What is clear is how she is no longer satisfied with staying in her bed all the time until we come to fetch her.

So… she goes up and down and up and down.

And then she will make it to her kitchen safe spot:

And she will stay there until I or David leave the kitchen to go into the bathroom/downstairs.

When we leave, she will go back upstairs.

But today, while I was in the bathroom getting ready for my interview, I heard June leave the kitchen, go upstairs, but then come back down the stairs to do a full loop around our breakfast bar and then go back up the stairs to come back down the stairs…

I’d never really seen her standing in all the places she was independently standing/standing in the last 24 hours:

So it’s clear that June is slowly, awkwardly, amazingly becoming a real dog.

This is adorable and funny to me, but also affirming.

Good thing because I found I hit my “do everything for you” limit so she has found her footing at a good time. 🖤

Please stay safe, whoever and wherever you are. It’s an absolutely wild mean world.