To Mastiff or Not To Mastiff

My epilepsy is stretching…

Uh-oh. The fact that I’m aware of it stirring is alarming because it’s difficult to do under the cloud of medication I take to keep it still so, when I can sense its movement…

I used to tell friends I was “happy” about having epilepsy because it served as a kind of meter which cruelly regulated my activity.

Specifically, when I’m doing too much, it tries to kill me.

Fair. A bit medieval, but fair.

Unfortunately, slowing down is not really an option lately. Work has been a bit crazy and there are some very difficult non-work realities to process right now and it’s all quite sad/exhausting.

Plus, buying a house is very stressful.

I passed the mandatory homeownership course; I’m responding to each text by our banker which come at any time of the day, and I’m getting her every piece of paperwork I can…

But this is all on top of everything else and…

Yet, no one has ever said buying a house was easy.

Well, maybe venture capitalists and successful drug dealers think it’s easy as they just roll into the closing with their suitcases of cash…

However, for the rest of us, buying a house is not necessarily “fun”.

But, at the end of the process, you will hopefully have a house so you can kind of forget about the hellish shit show which preceded it.

Similar to the process of childbirth.

Excessive, unbearable pain and then…

Saying that, I feel like I should have a human child at the end of this rather in-depth rescue dog adoption process.

Because, as in natural childbirth, I don’t feel we will have the opportunity to – at the end of the suffering – choose which dog we want.

Rather, they will choose which dog we get – if we are approved – after they do their home visit.

(Which will be scheduled once we have a home)

And the amount of money they want for a rescue dog makes me think, “Well shit, I could go get a dog from a breeder for this amount of money!”

But then I went to a couple breeder websites and realized I was wrong about that.

Inflation, man.

In any case, I don’t let any of that slow me down because I have my eye on a specific puppy at this rescue organization.

And I realize… I’m essentially trying to adopt the dog we already had. I’m not interested in replacing her.

I just want a replicant of her.

The one on the left isn’t Hemi.

Now my husband and I have many times said we would never get another Mastiff. They’re just too stubborn and smart and bratty and large and… did I mention “bratty!?”… and, if a Mastiff doesn’t want to do something you want them to do, you can’t just yank their leash and say “No!”

You can’t physically restrain a Mastiff. I’ve watched people pick up their psycho little snarling dogs when they’re being… psycho and not listening.

Can’t do that with a Mastiff.

No, you have to be more clever than you’d have to be with “regular dogs” and instead create lots of work-arounds or else pray that the dog listens to you for a shocking change.

But it will be different this time!!!

Isn’t that what they say in Lifetime movies when the abuser is trying to get back with the abused, or, in sci-fi movies when the villain is trying to kill all the people who are already on the Earth with the theory that it will be different with the new people who will be on the planet after all the other ones are murdered …

Yeah. It’s never better or different.

So, basically, I’m just setting myself up for more stress and that’s if we even get the Hemi replicant puppy we want.

Not to mention it’s a non-house trained puppy.

Regardless, I need something joyful/differently stressful to work towards. Besides, the fact that this replicant is a puppy means I can perhaps introduce the notion of rules and appropriate behavior to this little creature.

We rescued Hemi when she was 2 years old and, by that point, it was far too late for her.

For more about the bad behavior of Hemi, check out this tribute:

Homage to Our Dead Dog, Hemi

In any case, I’m too tired lately to feel anything but something deep inside of me stirs when I see photos of the replicant:

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

I’ll be happy with any dog. But I can’t deny my longing for THAT ☝️ puppy.

So I’ll just keep dreaming of dogs.

Hope you all are keeping safe, taking care of you and keeping up with what you need to keep up with. 🖤