If I Was Rich, I’d Have To Get My Cardio Elsewhere: A Shoveling Tale

Milwaukee got pummeled by snow this weekend (church was canceled even) which meant the weekend was largely spent shoveling.

I like shoveling because it provides me with cardio and the gratification that comes with putting work in and having it pay off.

Immediately.

Our apartment is on a corner so, as we are to shovel our sidewalk, this means our sidewalk is about a block in length.

Last week, as I shoveled our crazy long sidewalk allotment, a man stopped his car and asked if I needed help.

Five times.

He then turned his car around so he could pull up right next to the snow bank nearest me. 😬

I like winter because, when you’re living in a neighborhood officially recognized as having a “sex trafficking issue“ and when some stranger approaches you throwing out compliments, the snow slows them down dramatically.

I thanked the man and “God blessed him” four hundred times and kept shoveling.

He then shouted: “Well at least take a card!”

He works for the city. That makes sense.

Who knows. Maybe he was just trying to be nice. But since “nice” is in short-supply I just assumed he was old-fashioned hitting on me.

Which makes it weird that I put his card on the fridge but… Department of Public Works… maybe he’ll come in useful at some point. I put his card next to the business cards of police officers which are also magneted on our fridge with the same hope.

In any case, the snow also inhibits what I call “hot-rodding” aka cars which drive really loudly and quickly down the street and which do not acknowledge street signs or other cars or people.

Despite insane dangerous driving being the leading topic of many community meetings, the hot-rodders are not stopped or inhibited.

Until it snows.

They try hot-rodding down our street now they won’t succeed.

The city also doesn’t prioritize our neighborhood (plowing disparity) so our roads are somewhat unusable for a time.

Therefore, on Sunday morning, I watched people get stuck and persevere outside. They’d go forward sideways down the street.

And then, on the second outing to shovel our grand estate and to dig out our car, I noticed a car was stuck on the street.

Really stuck.

I approach people stuck in their cars in the snow like how I’d approach a wild animal who may be stuck in yard fencing lattice.

Mostly because people stuck in their cars are often very upset and some continuously FLOOR IT (press down on the gas pedal) and spin, spin, spin… going nowhere.

However, if they would manage to find some traction, there is the chance they will suddenly be propelled forward at great speed, fly into the air and land on a roof.

Maybe.

It’s not smart to keep hitting the gas when stuck as usually it just makes the situation worse.

In any case, the stuck car stopped attempting to accelerate and so I climbed over the snow bank to ask if I could shovel out their front tires which were buried in snow.

By this point, the young driver was out of his car and had his hood open because he was getting out clothes to put down under his car’s tires so they could get some traction.

He looked at me and nodded. “Yes. Help.” He then started to lay handkerchiefs and pants down on the snow-covered road.

So I dug out his front tires. However, while doing so, the passenger in this car started to yell

“GET OUT OF OUR WAY!!!”

Since the car was really stuck, I was in no real danger of being run over but… damn. 😳

My husband later told me that the driver told him that his passenger hadn’t been screaming at me but, rather, this truck that was behind them and nowhere near them at the intersection.

So… okay…

I’d only been in front of the car for about 5 seconds when she screamed and had already dramatically lowered the snow bank in front of them so it’s not like I was dawdling.

But I surely got out of the way.

By this point, my husband had joined the party and asked the driver if he wanted us to push.

He did so my husband and I moved to the back of the car.

And we PUUUUUUUSHED….!

I still had the shovel in hand because I was trying to catch my breath after the fevered cardio so, sure, maybe I didn’t look as focused as I could have been but…

after about 5 seconds the passenger in the car got out and essentially took my spot.

I stepped back when I saw her slipping and stalking her way toward me to spare her the energy of shoving me aside.

So my husband and the mean girl got the car to move forward and she ran to get back in the car and then…

it started to move!… and the passenger ran back and jumped in the car!… and then…

the car was stuck after going maybe a foot.

So I threw the shovel to the side and my husband and I again started pushing.

And pushing.

After no success, the driver eventually got out of the car again, opened the back door and pulled a mat off the floor of the backseat and put that down in front of one of his front tires (✊) and we got back to pushing and rocking and pushing and…

forward movement!

And then it got stuck again!

And then the driver lost his patience and just kept hitting the gas and he spun himself forward using the dark force which is very effective at times.

The driver’s rage attack did the trick.

Since the snow wasn’t deep enough to get him more stuck he was successful and the car flew forward and he wisely didn’t stop once he had forward movement.

Once finding ground that wasn’t snow-quicksand, he stopped the car and David and I picked up his clothes and floor mat which were lying on the road behind and walked them to him.

“Thanks y’all.”

An inner glow was lit.

Helping.

So, aglow, we went back to our shoveling stations until another car seemed to get stuck at our intersection almost immediately.

I started to walk towards her but saw that she was a delivery person and, while she was stuck, she was also taking the opportunity to deliver food to someone in our apartment building.

I didn’t see who ordered it, afraid that I may go knock on their door and scream at them to not ORDER DELIVERY FOOD IN A BLIZZARD. ☹️

“MAN, bro, it’s really GNARLY outside, bro. Let’s order pizza!”

“Yeah!”

So this poor delivery person walked back the distance to her car which was most definitely stuck.

David and I then watched to see if she was able to get herself free and then… slowly sauntered up to her with our shovels and asked if she’d like us to push her.

She at first looked at us a bit fearfully (fair) but then she rolled down her window and said “Oh my God, I would really appreciate that!”

Ah, a pleasant customer!

So we start pushing and rocking and pushing and rocking and…

That wasn’t working. So we started to shovel out the snow on one side of her car.

…could really use a floor mat here...

But we continued to push and rock the car until she was out of the bad spot…

And then she was free!

She was moving forward of her own volition!

And then the super nice person STOPPED HER CAR TO ROLL DOWN HER WINDOW TO THANK US

And — just like that — her car was stuck again.

As my Gram would have said, “Bless her heart.”

Kind, foolish girl.

Maybe she was from Florida or some place which does not have snow.

So we went back to pushing and rocking and… she… eventually got some footing and was once again able to drive and deliver food to thoughtless people with money.

She still screamed “THANK YOU SO MUCH!” out her window but she didn’t stop.

I had fallen forward on the ground with the success of the last big push and could only scream “DON’T STOP DON’T STOP!!!!!” from my position on the ground.

SO we then finished our personal shoveling and went back inside.

I turned to David and said, “Quick! Before anyone needs help!”

Right then, we were literally anti-heroes.

But I honestly didn’t know if I had the strength left to push someone else out. Therefore, we clambered back upstairs to our apartment where we listened to all the cars getting stuck outside.

All night long.

The blizzard which hit us was forecasted all over the place. It was on local and national news. Local news said hundreds of plows would be out all night…

but not one plow came to our neighborhood.

Sunday night, we sat on our couch and spent time wondering whether a giant passenger van outside was going to burn out its engine, burn through its tires or come crashing through our wall.

Because, for about twenty minutes straight, all anyone in our neighborhood could hear was this passenger van going “WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEER”

Eventually, people helped them.

“That’s nice,” I thought as I snuggled under my blanket.

Meanwhile, more vehicles got stuck… even big trucks.

All over the place, vehicles got stuck because the streets in our neighborhood had not been plowed the night of the blizzard or any time during the day after the blizzard.

Sigh. Plow disparity.

But! A plow eventually showed up just before midnight on Sunday and then they really showed up Monday morning like they just received my epileptastic thoughts.

Early Monday morning I again helped shovel my husband out of his parking spot after the first plow went through late Sunday night and subsequently plowed our car in.

But at least he should have had a parking spot when he got home

Well… 😬

So all the plows showed up on Monday and so I had to shovel out a parking spot for him because… where there was a clear space there was now only snow:

But what can you do besides run for office and slowly become disillusioned or corrupt?

Yay! Despite all the drama, it’s a winter wonderland!

Some people may get their exercise during summer but I get super fit during winter. 💪😺

MOTHERFLIPPING CARDIO!!!!!!!!

I can’t fully use my arms today but I’m sure they’ll become functional again sometime soon.

Hope everyone is staying safe and warm, wherever/however/whoever you are, and have access to music. 🖤