I’m a vampire every year but mortality felt inappropriately close this weekend.

But, before the brush with death, October was fun. It’s the best month and it didn’t disappoint.

We dressed up more than we have in the past few years and that was fun.

Also, Halloween seemed to go on and on because Milwaukee and its surrounding areas had trick or treating on different days and nights but… not on Halloween night!

Despite that fact, on Halloween night, a kid rang our doorbell and practically knocked down our front door and… I opened the door and… he stood there with a big smile and with his arms out and his mouth saying “I’m BACK!”

And I was still wearing my orange Jack o’Lantern t-shirt which he pointedly stared at as I had also been wearing it the day before and I had also worn it to work on Monday but I looked at him and replied, “We are out of candy.”

= SAD FACE FROM CHILD

I didn’t feel bad even though this was a lie as we still had a big bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups but it was all the way in the other room and… you can’t trick or treat two days in a row.

That is a violation of Halloween rules, forged in blood and darkness.

And so then I ate him.

MILWAUKEE TRICK OR TREATING IS DANGEROUS

On the designated afternoon of trick-or-treating the day before, at least two teenage kids had openly leaned in through the door and were blatantly casing our house while a couple little kids also pointedly stated, “You have a really nice house.”

That was nice. It is a nice enough house. It looks nicer than it is. But it’s far nicer than a lot of places for sure. And also felt odd to have these little 5 year old children saying this.

One short little kid said, “I really like your house.” And then, as she was turning away, she added, “I love how creepy you’ve made it.”

And right there. A kindred child.

I met another kindred child (the Best Thing I can imagine because I’m a barren childless weirdo and also estranged from the human world and kindred children make me see that I DO GO ON) at a friend’s Halloween party:

My friend got a picture because this child I didn’t know sort of stuck herself to me and it was funny to the others.

I was honored. Later, she came up to me and gave me a feathery seedling thing.

She opened my hand and set it there.

And then the little girl walked away.

Highlight of my month, that.

But then October left and November happened.

Or so I thought. But, ever since my legal roommate and I (and also June Carter Cash) got back from our week up north on a lake, we haven’t been right.

Well, that’s not completely true because June has suddenly almost become a real live dog after our week in the U.P.

But ever since we went up north for a holiday and a break, we came back to Wisconsin and we humans simply stopped cleaning, eating, grocery shopping and… I’m not sure why.

Maybe because it was so nice to see the stars and be away from the city and it was too sad to have to come back.

I feel like I haven’t really seen stars in a long time.

Regardless, we also haven’t been sleeping much or well.

As an epileptic, I can’t live poorly like this or I’ll pay the price.

And so yesterday morning I traumatized the brunch crowd at a local spot.

I didn’t have an aura at all.

I was brutally hungover so it just felt like that. I don’t get hungover too often these days but I remember the feeling well enough.

So it was more like the room spun and all liquid in my body rose to the surface and I was suddenly drenched in sweat, and my heart pounded, cried out

(meanwhile I was just standing there, leaning against the bar, wondering why we couldn’t sit down, nodding along with whoever was talking, hoping the horror would pass without having to acknowledge it or cause a scene)

and then the room crashed in on itself until it went black and

a space of time skipped through

and I opened my eyes, feeling much better, and saw that I was somehow now sitting on the floor.

I looked up and saw my husband and our friend looking down and they looked very calm so I wasn’t too worried.

As an epileptic, I’ve shuffled in and out of death so much I swear I’m learning to appreciate the feeling of a big ice cream scoop spooning out my core of life force because it made me that much more…

WHO CARES ABOUT THE SMALL SHIT.

My husband and our friend then helped me up, placed me on a chair, while our other friend who was in charge of brunch set a glass of water in front of me and they asked if I could move forward with brunch or needed to go home and I said… I think I need to go home.

So my husband went and got the car to pull up right outside and I sat on a chair and our friend just held me which was really incredibly kind and I’d have been more surprised but I was really in a bad way and sort of a shell right then

but I was aware enough to know that I had scared the shit out of him and then the next thing I knew I was walking to the car and I was getting into the car and then…

I went away again…

but I heard David calling my name and I remember thinking, “Well, what does he want?” and then I could see his face and he was leaning into my face and I asked, “Are we home?”

and he said, “No, uh, you’re not quite in the car” and I then realized this was true.

I was again stuck in between.

So then I started seeing again with my outside eyes and finally got my legs into the car like a civilized person and saw our friend standing close too, watching from the sidewalk in front of the restaurant, and then… we drove away. And then I was wide-awake and feeling really really really really tired.

And still hungry.

Later, I heard that our other friend was taking our brunch orders and, in response, when it was my turn to talk, I said nothing so everyone turned to look at me and my eyes were open but I was staring ahead and down at a fixed spot and not responding…

and then I started to go limp and slipped down to the floor.

And then later, in the car… it was the same thing… my eyes were open but I wasn’t there and my body wasn’t working.

Which was nice of it since I wasn’t there. It would have been super weird if my body HAD been working when I wasn’t there.

There are some seizures which are like that and that is just really pretty rude. I feel like I fainted the first time but David thinks it was a seizure and it was just not like my usual two kinds of seizures.

If those were seizures (absent or atonic) after all DAVID isn’t a neurologist…maybe it was just my introvert self taking a stand for the first REAL time and saying ENOUGH! FORCED RESTART IS COMMENCING!…

But in case they were some kind of standardized brain attack, they are my FAVORITE kind of seizures. Yet, I just kind of think I have been out of my comfort zone for years and it finally caught up to me.

Regardless, these episodes/revolutionary stands were intensely traumatizing to others and certainly not good for me…

SO I need to take much better care of myself.

I will. That was a wake-up call.

the rest of that day I slept. And my heart just hurt.

But the next day I felt better after 400 hours of sleep and so I went grocery shopping for the second consecutive week, hit up church for the 70th week, had a salad for lunch, took the dog to a dog park and… cleaned the first level of the house.

Baby steps until they lead to a better way of living.

Hope everyone had a safe, spooky holiday and…may all our brains continue to work.

Especially when we all vote in the American mid-terms tomorrow.

😘🖤🙏