Halloween APPROACHES: Dead Things Up North

Well, we had our mini break in northern Wisconsin and I had promised to report back on the Halloween situation there.

Halloween Up North Status

It wasn’t awesome. It didn’t rank on the Halloween meter.

At the same time, Hayward, Wisconsin was largely rednecks so that was indeed terrifying (there were also super nice non-redneck people there and ALSO an odd sprinkling of really wealthy horrible people) but…

Cable, Wisconsin reminded me of small Oregon towns due to the skiing culture.

And this was a good thing to me.

So I really didn’t want to leave Cable, despite its lack of Halloween.

As such, I was so sad and slightly desperate as we drove back to Milwaukee on Tuesday.

I could feel my lungs fill up with pollution as soon as we left nature and returned to billboard after billboard after billboard and hostile drivers and oblivious people walking into walls as they stared at their phones.

But we had to return.

In any case, not so much Halloween stuff up north but lots of dead things as promised!


I mean, dead things were everywhere.


“What the fuck do you want, Maurice. I’m right here.”


But whatever. Oddly, I didn’t mind. I was vegan for six years but I didn’t mind. Because there were all kinds of LIVING animals out there!

Fresh air!

So few people!

So many elk!

And Garmasch was exactly how I remembered it when age 5.

And there were books!

So now I want to move to Cable, Wisconsin and work at Garmasch and downhill ski and cross country ski and enjoy all the “Elk Crossing” signs.

Also, there were a lot of ladies on the country road crew. I could do that in addition to the other odd jobs I’m now imagining for myself.

Garmasch was fantastic. It kind of looked haunted but it wasn’t haunted at all.

Though I liked how our room had a tiny little hallway which reminded us of The Shining.

But that’s all the Halloween we really saw.

Well, Garmasch had a spider…? outside that didn’t light up or do anything. So it feels like they had wanted to do something for Halloween but never got around to it.


They are quite short-staffed. No Halloween crew.

So I scheme of a way to return to Garmasch and the national park where animals can’t be hunted so I can help enhance the spooky factor a bit.

I could open a Halloween store for the bears.

I would be remiss to not mention that one of the many houses which were set back in the woods with a sign or display or some shit on the side of the road at the start of their crazy long driveway to show they were STILL PRESENT had sort of a white solid backdrop made of wood or stone or something at the start of their driveway and on this white backdrop was black lettering which spelled out:

“B A T S”

And that was it. It made me smile every time we drove by it. It was somehow tasteful? and straight to the point Halloween decoration… I loved it.

I loved it so much I didn’t even get a photo of it.

But Halloween approaches down here in Milwaukee!

My bestie in London sent me a fantastic countdown thing last December (shipping was terrible last year due to the pandemic) and so this is the year for the THIRTEEN DAYS UNTIL HALLOWEEN!!!!

Let me update you on the monsters who have already shown up. 🎃

Thirteen days away:

“Heeeeeeere’s Freddy!”

Twelve days until Halloween which is when Lydia appeared! (Beetlegeuse)

And today I opened our friend… that Lutz guy from Amityville or… Jack Torrance from The Shining…?

Arguably, he could be so many people in reality and fiction.


But as of today, we have a crew of three and ten days until Halloween!!!

Does anyone else realize how difficult it is to get these little friendly things to stand on their tiny little friendly feet?

I had to tape them down. It’s a nice morning activity: along with my coffee, try to balance three little dolls on a non-sturdy surface for an hour and then resort to taping them down.

‘Tis the season.

I’m leaving for Virginia tomorrow morning for work so… I’ll have a backlog of monsters to come home to but I’ll be sure to share them.

Hope everyone is staying safe and warm.

Our sad return to Milwaukee was softened by a wonderful belated bday gift sent to me by my kindred Cory… it was undoubtedly very difficult to acquire so… how wonderful.

I don’t have a CD player but I will persevere.

We all must persevere so we can listen to Clear Tigers and make it through all the bullshit life throws at us.


At the same time, life also throws Halloween and birds and national forests at us so… ideally, theoretically, it all balances out.


B A T S!


4 thoughts on “Halloween APPROACHES: Dead Things Up North

  1. 1.) Definitely Jack Torrance/Nicholson. I mean, that eyebrow.

    2.) Zillow. If that house is on the market, you didn’t have to take your own pictures. Probably so very many are readily available for your perusal. I would think.

    3.) Happy elated (as opposed to belated) Halloween!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so glad you enjoyed your birthday taxidermy retreat! I think they should have hired you on the spot to manage their Halloween decoration epic failure and line that Shining hallway with fake blood and dead dolls. Good work balancing the calendar trolls. That is some impressive blog dedication right there!

    Liked by 1 person

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