Beware of Milwaukee Drivers: The Rant To End All Rants

I was in a bit of a funk last weekend so, on Saturday morning, I decided to take the car to run a couple of errands because I like driving.

Driving relaxes me.

Until I remembered that I live in Milwaukee.

I try to avoid the interstate interchanges or “highways” in Milwaukee because they feel like a free-for-all and often have shootings. However, in order to get to some neighborhoods in Milwaukee, you have to take the highway or you’ll be driving through mini Gary, Indianas.

If you’ve never been to Gary, Indiana, here’s a photo:

Main Street

It’s super sad how some cities simply decay before our eyes and the world leaves them behind.

In any case, it’s not wise to casually stroll or drive through Gary-Indianaesque neighborhoods, so, when possible, in regard to such neighborhoods here in Milwaukee, one should go around them (use the interstate).

So, while driving on the highway maze Saturday morning, actively navigating the weird interchanges, my smart phone suddenly has a complete meltdown and stops giving rational, helpful directions and starts repeatedly telling me to do a U-turn.

Over and over.

I could have driven to the gates of Heaven and it wouldn’t have mattered to my phone.

Meanwhile, while my phone was having a verbal seizure, I kept trying to figure out where I needed to exit and eventually just exited as soon as I could so I could stop my phone from yelling at me:

I eventually managed to shut my phone off for a hard reset and, with my angry phone silenced, I looked around to consciously process where I had exited…

I was in a Gary, Indianaesque Milwaukee neighborhood.

But that didn’t matter because I had to focus on not falling and disappearing into any of the potholes which spatter all the roads in Milwaukee.

And, as soon as the liquor stores and Dollar Stores and cash-checking places turned into breweries and fancy grocery stores and cookware shops, I experienced a driver who simply would not allow me to merge into the right lane.

The Milwaukee Police Department has established a “Task Force” which is allegedly dedicated to addressing the terrible driving in Milwaukee.

But the funny thing is how they established a task force for the same exact purpose last year and… I guess the difference between the two is that the 2021 version is this time they really mean it.

There are twenty-five police officers on this task force for the entire city of Milwaukee.

Twenty-five ought to do it.

The Milwaukee Police Department Terrible Driving Task Force 2021 has an online form we the residents are to fill out when we see terrible driving because they need our help.

Yet, is filling out an online form while driving a great idea?

This reminds me of how I filled out my own police report when I was in a hit and run car accident and played the role of the car being hit.

Also, in regard to potholes, the city of Milwaukee wants everyone to know that they’re happy to fill in the numerous potholes on the streets. However, first, we the community simply need to fill out a form to let them know about the pothole. Once they receive the report, they’ll have that pothole filled in in one to three days.

I’m starting to think that

1) the city doesn’t want to fill out forms anymore

2) the city doesn’t want to do anything to fix anything and are counting on residents not wanting to fill out forms either

CASE IN POINT: Reports of potholes are down this year, so says the city, but I think that’s just because so many people are dead from COVID and they haven’t factored that in and also most people hate filling out forms.

Also, maybe they haven’t noticed from their viewpoint of EVERYTHING IS FINE WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT (DEFENSIVE HAND GESTURES/BLAME-POINTING), but there is an awful lot of


going around.

My other half suggested we get the pothole paperwork and then spend a day driving around Milwaukee with a detailed map of the city, marking down all the potholes in Milwaukee, and then hand-deliver this extremely helpful information to the city and

wait for them to fix all the potholes in 1-3 days.

Start taking bets.

Get local organized crime to run those bets.

Donate money raised to communities to fix their decaying neighborhoods because money fixes everything.

But my other half never has a day off so that plan will have to wait.

Milwaukee was once run by socialists who established the “weekend” and Gary, Indiana, was once dubbed “Magic City”, but now corruption, greed, racism, fear and a dramatic lack of pivoting on the part of government and society has led to dramatic disparity and a very large number of extremely unhappy people.

And, meanwhile, over time, and back to the point of this week’s blog, many of these unhappy people in Wisconsin have gone on to become terrible drivers who

  • go left to turn right so the driver behind them has honestly no idea what they’re doing
  • drive either 10 miles per hour or 100 miles per hour
  • drive either in slow-motion or as if being chased by demons
  • only use traffic indicators on special occasions
  • drive around without any license or registration or… anything, really
  • drive in the left lane on the highway because that’s now considered the “driving lane”
  • drive erratically, as if the driver is on fire, and frantically pass all cars only to suddenly come to a grinding halt to make a turn as if they somehow forgot how to do it
  • go the wrong-way down one-way streets as if it’s no big thing
  • drive off the interstate and blame the interstate for it
  • forget they’re driving and then realize it and crash their car
  • steal a car and then don’t want it anymore and crash the car or park it at our neighbor’s house
  • don’t feel that traffic signs/road rules/the criminal code apply/applies to them

The funny thing is how Milwaukee also has a problem with organized crime so the rules may not apply to them.

It’s just hard to tell.

Well, I’m not dead and neither are you so that’s awesome. Stay safe out there and, if you’re driving in Milwaukee, may God be with you.

Also, let me know! I’ll give you the MPD terrible driving self-report link! And Milwaukee does have some fun stuff like… fun bars and museums and also this very cool mural (squeeeeeeeeeee it’s MURAL SEASON AGAIN!! Woot! Woot! Expect more photos as the Lowlifes are back on the mean streets of Milwaukee and… Madison… )! 😺

Oh! Look at this job! 😻😂✔️


4 thoughts on “Beware of Milwaukee Drivers: The Rant To End All Rants

  1. You have obviously missed your calling working for the tourism board in Gary. You have made it sound like such a fantastic place to visit! I had the same experience with my phone when we drove out of the Phoenix airport one time and it kept telling us to take a u-turn until I was almost in tears. I called my daughter and she told us to switch to my husband’s iPhone (duh) . Problem solved. I’m sorry that asshole wouldn’t let you merge.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awwwwwww hugs hugs hugs hugs to you!!!! Today, in Bayview (deemed one of the more “where people want to live” neighborhoods in Milwaukee), a piece of shit driver tailgated me in a residential area. I was going the speed limit of 30. This is a FAMILY-CENTRAL hood. And this car was practically in my backseat. So I signal and then turn right and so do they… so I speed up to 35 as this is a busier street to get some space from them and happily leave them behind because they apparently only wanted to tailgate and not go faster. Great. So I approach the next set of lights and turn left and… guess who? Mr. Tailgater is back IN my backseat, wildly swaying back and forth. There is no one in the passing lane… a little like the opening scene from Jeepers Creepers. But they had a shitty red car and I have our little marshmallow car (Chevy Sonic) and… it genuinely scared me. I turned right at my destination without braking and they almost swiped me as they passed me. OH I DID NOT GIVE THEM THE PEACE SIGN, I was so upset and somewhat shaken. 😣 I’m so done with Milwaukee I should probably move to Gary so I can appreciate it more. From top ten most dangerous city to “murder city”… the most significant transition a working class girl can hope for these days. 🤬😂


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