A Prison of Possibilities

Welcome to 2021… in risk of overusing the same material, this IT Crowd gif perfectly represents how I’m feeling about 2021:

Yesterday, I sat down to take a break in my Monday routine which involves doing last week’s laundry and the weekly domestic hard-clean of our apartment.

I figure that, if I’m not making any money at present, I may as well become exceptionally domestic… I even made cookies.

Not from scratch or anything but… still… motherflipping cookies.

And so, while I sat down to take my break, marveling at my domestication, I looked out and saw that the hit-and-run car is now looking a bit abandoned.

And I then reflected on how I’m enjoying the visually sad state of Blue Car the Perpetrator and that (pettiness) is something that I need to work on in 2021.

I have to forgive Blue Car because, despite the bleach smell in the air which is nicely intermingling with the smell of snickerdoodles, I could be on my way to becoming a sadistic, vindictive monster.

At the same time, I feel bad for our downstairs neighbor when I make a ruckus with the vacuum on Domestication Monday. So I’m probably not in much danger of turning into a sadistic, vindictive monster when I feel bad about making noise while vacuuming.

In any case, maybe Domestication Monday is under threat because I received another job interview from another correctional facility!

As a result, next week I’ll be interviewing for the same position at two different prisons so, if anything, I’ll get two chances to make a good impression.

SIDEBAR: what do prisons look for in a candidate?

And I don’t mean “professional qualities”…

No, because I’m a woman and it matters far more than it should… should I wear my hair down or up?

I’m never sure. And, beyond my inability to properly style my own hair, doing hair also involves looking in the mirror and… well, I do try to avoid looking into mirrors if I can.

Why?

From the days of not playing “Bloody Mary” as a child, I just steer clear of mirrors. And that’s largely because mirrors have long been super hyped.

As such, they are also often portrayed as being the source of evil in horror movies. Particularly, that Keifer-Sutherland-noughties-movie – “Mirrors” – which really got to me for some reason.

(It took me some time before I recalled the title of that movie which has long been very funny to my husband:

Me: “What’s that movie about mirrors with Kiefer Sutherland?”

David: “Mirrors?”

Whatever.) Anyways….

REFLECTIVE SURFACES ARE FLIPPING EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!

In fact, we once accidentally owned a haunted mirror.

In any case, I know the trick is simply to not look like I’m scared of mirrors.

Positive, rational thinking and all that. I know my hair will be fine and the interviews will go well and maybe even be successful and produce a real live job.

Hope lives.

What’s important is how neither correctional facility is in Milwaukee so it looks like my resolution for 2021 (move from this apartment/neighborhood) is on the cusp of becoming a reality.

…oh oh oh oh and I’m even letting that dangerous little shard known as hope into my electrified brain and I’m thinking about how I could change lives and educate and life histories and testimonios and memoirs and oh the stories from the street the hood the abuse the violence the trauma and I could help help help…

However…

and

So if I don’t get either position, I desperately need to find a job to acquire an income so we can move but I also need a job so I can interact with other people more regularly.

I can’t believe I’m saying that either.

My theoretically looming ALS/FTD is not being helped by spending most of my time alone. I’m an only child so I’m well accustomed to talking to inanimate objects in order to keep myself from going insane and – gross – people but…

well, I need to interact with people who aren’t medical professionals soon or… who knows what I’ll become.

Come at me, 2021.

Whatever will happen will happen, everything happens for a reason/the best and, while all that may be true, it doesn’t always help with the inner panic.

Therefore, music is medicine.

🖤