Life After

My mind is taking things into its own hands lately. I think this because on Tuesday I had some epileptic twitches in my face and through my fingers which aren’t supposed to happen.

The electricity is breaking free.

Oi.

So I think my mind took care of that because I slept so deeply Tuesday night I died… and then lived on beyond my death in the dream.

That sounds terrible but it was actually comforting.

And, beyond that, epilepsy was fixed. All it took was dream death.

But I think my mind felt itself a little too clever after its success because it decided to apply the same method to other big traumas like the deaths of my mom and dad.

I didn’t fully mourn either death because I don’t think we ever really do and also there wasn’t time due to how things went down. So I know I have a backlog.

A traffic jam in my heart.

And head.

So I dreamt my mom died and the situation was the same as it was except I wasn’t with her when she died due to coronavirus.

And it felt overwhelming like how it did… and as if all that I felt about the loss and the witnessing of her suffering was compressed and threaded through me so if both ends of the thread were pulled I’d come apart.

The next night I went through the same thing but with my dad.

A straight injection of pure grief.

Maybe this was my mind’s way of reliving these life-shifting events… so I could focus on each individual death

and heal.

But so far the hardcore dreams have only left me feeling more open and exposed.

So I felt a bit more exhausted and on edge yesterday when I went to mail an Etsy book order and later when I went to meet my husband for his brother’s birthday.

Yet, how nice it was to stand outside and drink and listen to music with good company.

And with kebabs.

It helped.

Life is so very short. And it’s easy to give up or wonder what the point is when purpose and other necessary things are elusive.

Yet, life is intrinsically worth it.

And, in the meantime, music is medicine 🖤

6 thoughts on “Life After

      1. Huh. Today it let me Like the comments. It still won’t let me Like the post, though.

        Thanks. We’ll probably just get a whole bunch of rain, but it is pretty cool when the creek fills up, so there’s that.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s