Looking for a Good time? Me Too.


Got my MRI results.

Ugh… lots of white matter lesions 😬


there aren’t any more lesions than there were in 2015, when I had my last brain scan.

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo… I received the nicest call from my new neurologist’s nurse who I speak to almost daily and… well, it’s comforting that we don’t know too much about human brains.

Because then, no matter what your brain scan results are, it’s all essentially conjecture and guessing.

So you just go with what sounds like the best interpretation.

Or the worst because, if it’s the worst, you can finally put that mask on and get out there and check off some bucket list items.

This pandemic is really affecting my death plan. If I knew and had the time, I was going to take the Queen Mary II across the Atlantic and stay at the Caledonian in Edinburgh again and then go die on the western coast of Scotland.

Leaving my credit card bill to David.

Now Americans can’t even go to Europe.

I believe Scotland is still in the EU.



It voted to stay in it but…

(<command>white matter brain lesions forbid further thinking</command>)

Naturally, I’m back to thinking about death because of course I Spirited

(“Spirited” sounds better than “Mozillaed” even though both browsers just serve Oligarch Google anyways)

the exact language used in the brain scan results analysis and…

I have the brain of an old person.

But I’m inherently better with technology.


At first, I thought of me having the brain of an older person as being… oh no, I’m slow now.

But I’m anything but slow.

Yet, it also explains why I’m so cranky and forgetful.

And how I can’t find the energy to give a shit about most things which seem so meaningless to me now.

And I mean… really.

Back when I talked to people and someone started talking about how stressed they were about… shoes, for instance.

“No,” said my brain. “Stop talking.”

It’s like I could feel a lesion forming.

The state of my brain… well, it’s more that… my brain is done.

It’s run its race. It’s climbed its hills. It came, it saw, it conquered. It’s seen, it’s lived and it’s experienced a lifetime of traumas, bliss and bullshit and…

it’s had it.

My poor aged brain.

It’s lived the life of a person twice my age.


Credit to… Wikipedia?

Except… less rock and roll and drugs and good times and more…

Which means… I need to have more good times.

Well, since my neurologist ordered another 72 hour EEG, I also thought how it’s good I never got a job this year.

It’s pretty much the only time I’ve thought that because, as always, without a job I cannot do anything “fun” like pay bills or have fun, the latter being what you can’t do when you have a job because you don’t have the time and then, when you don’t have a job,

you can’t do fun things because you don’t have any money.

Unless your parents are rich.

Or you have investments.

And, if you have investments and savings and can be unemployed and do fun things…

Cheers, you asshole.

I say with love.


Yeah, but it’s a fucking pandemic and we don’t have a yard.

But… pandemic or not, point taken, self.

Besides, when venturing out to enjoy the free sunshine on my skin and the free blue skies above and the free trees which sway and dance in the free wind, there is an extra layer…

an extra layer of fun.

Because now I can pretend I’m in a horror movie and all other humans are infected.

So, if I see someone else, I run away, screaming.

That’s fun.

As such, I’m planning a beach trip next week. The beach is also free.

Hellish scene of people gathering at Newport Beach, April 25, 2020. (Photo by Mindy Schauer)

But, well yeah, I know beaches have been crazy crowded lately.

However, the beach I have my beady eyes on is at Racine, Wisconsin which is most known for its community meth problem, so it’s not likely it will be crowded.

In any case, I’ll wear a mask and camp far away from all other humans who happen to be there.

And I’ll try to lure dogs with the Milk Bones we, for some reason, moved with us which belonged to our dead dog.

Me avoiding people and only looking dogs in the eye is nothing unusual for me.

I just wouldn’t have planned a beach trip before. I was too busy over- working, care-giving, battling or desperately job-hunting.

Now I’m more focused on appreciating the semi-free goodness of life while I still have the non-lesioned brain matter to enjoy it.

What was really cute is how, during my MRI and when they were sticking a an IV into my arm, the super nice MRI techs talked about how sick they were of the heat and humidity we’ve experienced here in Wisconsin in July and were so upset that an entire week of July remained.

Now I was in the MRI head brace thing so it’s not like I was a real part of the conversation but…


It was only July eight so… they must never leave their little MRI room.


It’s going around, this lack of understanding of where and when.

And how.

My PC had a complete mental breakdown yesterday. With its battery full charged, it died when I unplugged it like a complete drama queen and it also seriously flipped out on me:


But…. I feel you, laptop.

I feel you.

I don’t know where or when or how, but get some while you can.

19 thoughts on “Looking for a Good time? Me Too.

      1. 😂 I’m a weirdo… I don’t like red wine and chocolate. And I only usually drink red wine… but maybe it’s just because I haven’t tried it in a long time. I don’t eat much chocolate either (I didn’t want to tell you this because I know you’re a firm believer in its abilities)🎶

        Liked by 1 person

      2. “She’s from France.”

        While I know there are poor unfortunate souls who do not find chocolate divine, I never suspected you to be one of the benighted. You’ve got enough on your plate–is that not just piling on, Universe!? That the heavenly relief derived from mass quantities of good chocolate is denied you–it’s monstrous. If I still did such things, I would say a novena for you.

        And a really good zinfandel (rapture!) paired with dark chocolate…I have seen god, I tell you–and I don’t even really like dark chocolate.

        Do you feel any passion for lemon? Cinnamon? I only ask because I have noticed that those who are indifferent to chocolate seem to find some similar sort of solace in those substances.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Haha I sadly don’t feel the chocolate divinity, dear Lisa. But… I mean, I can relish eating a Hershey bar, square by square, over a period of time. Or a Cadbury bar. 🙂

        Haha oh I love lemon! I put lemon in my water each day. And cinnamon is okay. How interesting though! You feel there is a correlation between chocolate indifference and love for lemon and cinnamon? Huh! So interesting!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I just got a mental picture of our dog, Buttermilk, being all needy and jealous when the cats were getting their fix. So I’d give him a bit of catnip, too, and he seemed really excited about it…for a second…and then puzzled. I don’t know if dogs can shrug, but I’m pretty sure he’d shrug–every time–and go fling himself on his rug in disgust.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Lemon and/or cinnamon vs chocolate–I started casually polling people when I first noticed a possible correlation–particularly with lemon. It doesn’t seem to be universal, though statistically significant.

        Buttermilk–he was the world’s best dog. Funny disposition, good company, and hands down the easiest dog I’ve ever trained. After a gorgeous but highly strung black lab/irish setter mix who shed like a fiend, I said “The next dog will match the floor!” Buttermilk did, but bonus–no shedding. He was a standard poodle. If we ever get another dog, it will be an ivory (calmest temperament) standard poodle.


  1. When people ask if I am doing anything this weekend, I need to stop saying “Nothing.”
    And now I am racking my brain thinking — what’s the most fun thing you can do in the world as it is right now, with the capabilities I have right now? It’s strange not to just know that.

    Sorry. I hope 72 hours helps them know something useful about you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. For sure, dear Gabi. I’ve said “nothing” to pharmacy personnel who deliver my drugs. But… yeah, I’m doing stuff! I’m just not out and about doing stuff publicly. And… I kind of want to go to Noah’s Ark, if it was empty because people are terrified. I have longed for having a water park to myself since I was short. And, sadly, I believe everything is open in the Dells and, even worse, they’re probably all full of people as usual. #doomed

      And, yeah, I’m looking forward to this 72 hour EEG since it caused he who shall not be mentioned to draw very dramatic conclusions.

      Brain Games the Game!! 😂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Don’t be sorry! 🙂 We still have our Jigzaw puzzle on our table and use it as a table coaster and I still want the four horses of the apocalypse puzzle which I found while writing this post. If and when we again have money to buy stuff. 😻


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