Networking Epileptic on Edge of Death Feeling Genuinely Cared For

Woohoo! Today I had my appointment with the new neurologist who I was only able to see thanks to a friend who pulled in a favor with a prominent neurologist who then made the connection and… networking may not get me employment but it got me the best neurologist I’ve had in perhaps forever!

And she even said that she’d keep her eyes and ears open for a job for me so MAYBE THIS AMAZING PERSON WILL EVEN GET ME EMPLOYMENT.

And then I can say that networking did get me the job.

So I won’t have to suppress scowling when I’m repeatedly told that networking is how you get jobs because I’M ACTIVELY NETWORKING WITH THE PERSON TELLING ME THIS BECAUSE OTHERWISE I WOULDN’T BE TALKING TO THIS PERSON WHO IS NOT HIRING ME AND CLEARLY THE NETWORKING IS NOT WORKING so…. I’d like to scowl less and also feel less obligated to suppress scowling.

I was REALLY presenting as “Regular Interview Approach” for this appointment with the new amazing neurologist as I straightened my hair and put on HEELS though my broken-but-recovered troll feet which are quite accustomed to slippers/flip-flops/naked time were a bit set back but…

I am very proud of me. I even went to Target afterwards for a few things we missed during our last grocery run.

Like a real functional and contributing member of capitalistic society.

Now I’m barefoot and dressed in rags again but, for a short time, I was a Real Human Consumer, Masked and Out in the World.

Of course, it was all a bit of a ruse. But people see what they expect to see.

They couldn’t see all the sweating. That’s why I wore strategically baggy clothing.

In any case, this new neurologist even brought up AUTOIMMUNE DISEASES (those are the life-altering illnesses people have which most doctors can’t seem to diagnose because they require maybe two different tests and also focused analysis and “effort”) which is just amazing.

Maybe I don’t have everything wrong with me.

Maybe I simply have an undiagnosed autoimmune disease which makes me feel like my body is melting down in so many different ways at one time which makes me also feel that the best option on an average day would be to simply take me out back and shoot me.

That could be done in front of the drug dealer’s house as that’s what’s out back here and they have a long metal sheet behind their porch because people are always driving by and shooting at them.

So it would be the perfect place for me to go if I was to be taken out back and shot.

David said he wouldn’t shoot me but I’m sure I could easily find someone around here to do it.

In any case, I am feeling more hopeful today.

I’m already set up to get a bone density test and a MRI and genetic testing, and my new neurologist is going to get the results from the other EEGs the former neurologist did because she was trained to read EEGs and thinks maybe he wasn’t.

Or maybe it is as bad as he said it was but… at least I’ll soon know exactly how bad it is.

And this new neurologist also makes to-do lists!

She said “I’ll just write this up!” and then she wrote a numbered list and then gave it to me.

So my brain is essentially relaxing… I can feel it… it feels weird… as I’ve found a neurologist who makes and shares her task-lists with me.

It’s like a cosmic connection has been made.

And… I didn’t even tell her about the time I possibly had a stasis seizure in Chicago… the fact that I’ve been on all the anti-convulsant drugs and the fact that I probably experience at least two types of seizures means that I’m not an amateur epileptic, I am professional, and I’ll probably have another super long, life-threatening seizure which I’ll need help getting out of.

And of course I immediately thought of Pulp Fiction.

And then: (inside head voice) ARE YOU GOING TO SEND ME AN ADRENALINE NEEDLE?

No, because I wouldn’t be suffering from a drug overdose, I’d be suffering from ongoing electrocution. An infusion of adrenaline would really not be an ideal addition to electrocution.

I’m not sure what my temporary obsession with hard drugs is this week but I’m not starting any hardcore drugs any time soon

NOT WITH GENETICS TESTING ON THE TABLE

so Life Change Pharmacy won’t be delivering an adrenaline injection as I won’t be overdosing.

Haha, if they tried to deliver one, I don’t think they’d make it to the door in this neighborhood. It’s probably seen as a super high demand item around here.

In any case, I really like feeling prepared for emergencies or the mundane nature of an average day.

I like feeling prepared in the same way others like eating chocolate.

Delicious preparedness.

So now I’ll have an emergency medication JUST IN CASE I’m traumatizing others while having a super long seizure. And I’ll be giving them something to do instead of standing there, hugging themselves and crying or calling the police.

“Don’t cry or call the police. Put this pill on the inside of this scary person’s cheek.”

Of course, that’s kind of a difficult thing.

Lost of people wouldn’t know how long is “too long” when it comes to seizures because seizures are terrifying and they always seem to go on forever.

So, unless you’re accustomed to seizures and can assess an average length of a seizure, I’d be a bit concerned some brave and/or sadistic soul would be stuffing a pill into my cheek after five seconds of seizing.

I’m sure that’s fine. But what a waste of the emergency medication.

Also, lots of people aren’t the best kind of person to have around in any kind of emergency.

It doesn’t matter. I haven’t had any kind of seizure since I had the petrifying flurry of seizures back in late summer 2018 (which I fixed by doubling my medication dose as I couldn’t afford to see a neurologist as my job forgot to give me health insurance for seven months and which a Pittsburgh neurologist officially prescribed when my job did give me health insurance after I no longer worked there… non-profits are more of an art than science)

so I should be good to go.

And now I feel I can really go off and have a million seizures if I wanted to because I have a solid neurologist to call if I need help.

How fucking cool is that.

Even if I’m feeling low. I can call her. Epileptics are prone to anxiety and depression because WE HAVE FUCKING EPILEPSY but I personally can’t really separate the anxiety and depression from the trauma and grief and how the unemployment/rejection stream has made me feel.

Feeling unwanted is not technically depression if it’s a literal assessment of the ongoing employment situation.

I was beyond the point of caring what potential employers thought when I resurrected this blog. Because… I’d like my next employer to know what I honestly think and be cool with weirdos like me.

AND I ALSO HAVE TATTOOS.

Speaking of weirdos, last night I addressed whomever was standing right outside our building and, I don’t know, they were maybe dropping a pan full of keys onto the sidewalk outside over and over and over and over and over and over and over around 11 P.M. and… since there is no reason they had to be repeatedly dropping their pan full of keys on the sidewalk outside our building at that hour, I needed it to stop.

And what’s cool is how I can whisper threats from the other side of the window covering.

It’s so convenient.

I can say “WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT NOISE GET MY GUN” from the couch.

And if someone in America says they’re going to get their gun, you should appreciate the extra time you have because most people just carry their gun right on their person in a hidden way.

So it’s very possible I’ll find out I don’t have brain cancer just before I’m shot to death or burned to death via fireworks by some vengeful sidewalk keys-in-pan-dropper in our neighborhood but…

these are the choices we live with in this life.

Soooooooooooooo… I’ll write another blog about this because I don’t have a job and I’m trying to make this my job but…

I’m getting my ghost stories published in a little storybook format and I’m going to sell them so, if you want one, let me know!

Here is the title and cover:

I was going to have a local business print and bind the storybooks but it would apparently be, let’s just say… a gazillion dollars… so each book would have to cost more than most people would pay for a little book at a sidewalk sale and that would just cover the costs of printing it.

Yikes.

And I did want to make a little money to help pay for the two nights my husband and I will be staying in the glamorous town of Kenosha for our thirteenth wedding anniversary.

As I wanted to buy booze for it. In any case, my husband’s amazing art (@muellerlowlife) will be at this Soup House Sidewalk Sale and so will my illustrations and we are home printing my ghost storybook book.

SUPPORT OUR ART SO WE CAN BUY ANNIVERSARY BOOZE.

I feel like a real writer. Love, words and addiction.

Romance is not dead.

Oh! Yesterday our car celebrated Christmas in its own reality.

So Happy Holidays to our car which we now officially own.

Our assets as a married couple are or have been either haunted or crazy and that’s just got to be okay.

So Merry Christmas and Happy New Year… I know so many people are all “2020 is the worst” but 2021 is likely to be even worse so…

well, I’ll just let you know what Car thinks as it will be encountering the new year in 2012 before/after any of us and perhaps in some cryptographic way that information will be insightful.

And so I’ll

hook

you

up.

Because

it’s all about motherflipping networking.